Genesis 32:25-26 ESV
When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
I must admit that all of my Christian life I have judged Jacob in my heart as selfish and arrogant. That he was demanding that the emissary of God bless him before he would let go seemed unconscionable to me. I am now keenly aware that I have spent all of these years misunderstanding this story. God’s kind revelation to me is as follows.
Jacob was in a time of great uncertainty and fear. He felt that everything he held dear could be violently stripped from him within the next day’s time. Then, as if to add insult to injury, he is up all night in a wrestling match with an invincible challenger. Then in the midst of the struggle he refuse to let it be for nothing but believes that a blessing can come out of the difficulty and pain – his hip was touched & he limped as he left.
The last year of my life has been that type of emotional wrestling match for me. No matter where I turned or what I did I could not escape being in God’s grip. Nor could I force Him to change or submit. I realize now the beauty in laying hold of God in anyway at all. Also, that in the dark night of my soul, His voice is the one that called out to me that day had come. Rather than letting me languish in pain & fear alone in the night, He engaged me, changed me, made me walk differently. In all of that struggle I remember thinking that I had to hold on tight until I saw, for sure, God’s goodness toward me. I needed His blessing.
So now, dear brother Jacob, I repent for judging you. Rather I thank you for showing perseverance and desperation to lay hold of God in the truth of His nature and in that moment to receive the blessing of having seen Him. Better to limp at the hand of God than walk easily in ignorance of being in His grip.
Genesis 32:30-31 ESV
So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.” The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.
